October 26, 2002

In Which I Really Am Not Mocking or Belittling Abusive Relationships

For several months now I have been in an abusive relationship with Saikano.

Saikano (Saishi Heiiki no Kanojo or She, the Ultimate Weapon) seemed like a sweet gentle anime at first. Sure, there were some warning signs at the beginning, but it wasn't until the first punch at the end of episode one that I really suspected anything was really wrong.

But I kept watching, even though it didn't apologize, even as it revealed more of its darker nature to me and I realized I was in way over my head or maybe just my tolerance. Perhaps I did it because I sympathized, perhaps out of a morbid curiousity, perhaps because I thought things would work out all right, that everyone would be happy. I'm not saying it was an easy series to watch, the opposite in fact, but I couldn't help myself.

Situations got worse, and it still never apologized. Even when I cried or when it kicked me down the stairs, and maybe that's why I kept coming back, because Saikano made it clear that this is what it was, this is what it stood for, and it really was beautiful, in its own way.

It's been thirteen episodes, but now it's over. It broke it off with me, ironically enough. I'm okay now, after all the tears and heartache; shaky and raw, but this ending has been oddly carthartic too, as if I had dead skin scrapped off with sand. It has been a tramautic series, but I do still love Saikano, as crazy as that may seem. Maybe this experience hasn't taught me anything, but it's reminded me of what I may have forgotten.

Posted by lyn at October 26, 2002 12:29 AM


i am so not EVER watching that series.

Posted by: chris at October 26, 2002 11:26 AM

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